Matahari Kinnaree

A year ago, my drawings were cartoony at best... (and yet I was so proud of them). At SFSU these were some of the best examples of figure drawing ...in the class. I was the big fish in a small pond. When I arrived at AAU I scoffed at the idea of needing to take basic figure drawing all over. I mean really, how much better can you get than these? (The answer: a shit ton, like woah):




As soon as I arrived in Figure Drawing 1 and Analysis of Form (basically a study of light and shadow), I realized I was total idiot when it came to drawing. I was a baby in terms of artistic maturity at best. I struggled a lot with adding depth to my work. While I didn't succeed (my work from last term, is still really really flat) I was able to move away from outlines and more toward forms of varying shades of tone. These are what I consider "the best" from last term:







And still these are so incredibly flat... the disproportion makes me wince when I see them. At the same time I also remember being extremely proud when displaying these for critique, especially of the first and last ones up there.

This term I am taking Figure Drawing 2 and Anatomy 1. So far these are the ones I like best:


(extractive, pulling white out of a charcoal tone... and totally new to me)

(copy of a sketch by Jacopo Bertora)

QUITE the difference. I do feel I'm getting my money's worth. Now I need to work on being a more diligent student. Just to let you know, I'm more of a C grade student in comparison with my peers. *sigh* Gotta work on that.

In lieu of being more productive with my time, I mashed together a short video:

The clip is from that glorious night of Sushi and Rock Band debauchery but a weekend ago. Roger is on the guitar (or was it bass ..?) and Aimee is on drums. Nick's arm also briefly appears! /cheer :P

I hope you can garner some amusement from these; I know I did when making them. Also, film majors, pls excuse the crappy editing ...as I am in illustration and know nothing of this alien FCP interface.

Also, some recent photos from the movie night with Jeannie (phoenixdown7  ) and another Rock Band night w/ Matt (zebe ) over the Mike/Andy/Jo's mansion

Matt, Jo and Katie Monica

Jeannie

Blue Bottle Cafe

Some updates b/c well... I uh, haven't been on it this week.

I kinda skipped two of my classes this week. Bad of me, I know. I was really stressed out at the beginning of the week and sometimes it takes stepping back from everything and having some "me time" to make myself more prepared for life.

I need to stop by school and do some homework in the lab, but I reeeeally want to go out and have a  picnic in the park today by myself. Maybe get a coffee... and just sit under a tree and sketch. I have not been a "from real life" type sketcher since I was a kid ...who wanted to draw everything. I really feel the desire to reconnect with that. I drew (a really crappy) rendition of the Blue Bottle Cafe the other day... was just sitting under the sun in Mint Plaza and it was very nice.

Me time included mostly little things: One was driving the long way home through the back hills. Yay for roads, tops down and sunshine ...I've lusted over being able to do such things for the three years I was car-less. Feels fucking fantastic!

I was at Blue Bottle (again) instead of one of the said classes. Sat in the sunshine, had a smooth foamy mocha and some fat slices of toast w/ strawberry preserves. Simple and delicious! Sketch turned into a fun work I'm turning in for a HW assignment.

Leaving the Road Behind me

I drove down to Stanford/Palo Alt last night with phoenixdown7. I gave her a ride back to her car (at the the train station there) and we then drove off to University Ave, got some yummy pizza and talked nerdy. LOL topics ranged from Obama to the latest Naruto manga XD I ended up staying at the Borders there until 10:30 by myself reading, it was really nice. (Again another "me" thing I need to do more often).

Since I've been able to spend significant time w/ significant others, I have significantly ignored a significant number of my friends. :P This started when I was 18ish... so *counts* 6 years now I've been putting them second where before they were my whole life (you know, b/c I hated school). I don't think either approach is perfect. Your time should be split a bit more evenly between work/passion, love and friends... never completely in just one direction. And well, obviously I need to work on that.

Nicole and Gabi in French Class

I want to make more of an effort to be here in the present with the people I like around me.. rather than focus so hard on the future that I ignore the good times I could be having.  I can't wait for Nicole returns to Berkeley this weekend so we can watch more Gankutsuou. I never really posted about it, but we reconnected before break. She had been in France for a year, though she's been back for a while now... Someone just needed to make an effort. We made a total nerd day of it ~ JUST like old times! She even had the Utena soundtracks on her ipod, so we blasted them in the car and sang a long XD More misadventures are in the works for the future.

Other local friends I should focus on a bit more: Maritess and Joy. Hm...

Side note: I've been really bad about stretching three times a day. At the time time I'm always hyper aware of how I walk and what hurts now. Gotta get back to the gym w/ Nick today. :D Seeing people run around (b/c SF is ALL about runners let me tell u >.>) still makes me feel bluh. D:

Aimee by the Pool

Uhhh yeah. My family is totally dysfunctional. My mother yells, like a lot. My brother and father have basically learned to tune it out... which is what happens if yelling is your main form of communication. So a lot of miscommunication happens with everyone yelling and brushing each other off. I feel a little like Alice in Wonderland; like everyone is so crazy that I'm going a bit crazy too. My mom is yelling, my brother is yelling back, my dad breaks in to yell his own interjection ...and all I wanna do is scream, "OMG YOU GUYS SHUT UP!"

Another family quirk: The phone rings... and rings and rings. No one wants to pick it up so finally I do. But apparently everyone has the same thought and three people end up doing it at the same time, which of course leads to confusion.

-------

On a totally unrelated side note: I had a good time hanging out with Aimee yesterday afternoon. We just hung out by the pool in my backyard a while and talked. Roger came by and we went and got pupusas for dinner. My brother and his friends, Josh and Kevin all came along and they played WoW over at Aimee and Rogers'. Since I don't play, Aimee and Roger refrained and we ate and talked a lot. But even so, it was nice to introduce the guys (well Sammy knew him already) to Roger more in person since they do all play WoW together. Actually Roger is their GM (Guild Master - think kinda like "team captain" or... more like coach). So now they have plans to raid together over there instead of all split apart and helping that along makes me feel good.

OK, well I'm done w/ my breakfast and the day's gorgeous so I'm out.

gypsy sign

So I wanted to write a bit about my time last night with Kat. I had an amazing time! Despite it being at least three years since we've actually even seen each other, she was super awesome and drove down from LA to OC to pick me up and hang out. She showed up at my front door and immediately I had to show her off to my family. My brother was engrossed by March Madness and was regrettably rude in my opinion, but my mother, upon meeting one of the fabled "ideal Filipino children" (she's a good catholic girl w/ a masters in biology) gushed over her and even gave me an extra $50 cash so that I might take Kat out to a nice restaurant. LOL

I hadn't any solid plans... we could have gone for some really good hakata ramen (shin sen!), or there was this awesome thai place I know of... I had wanted to go to the Artist Village in Santa Ana. If we had gone there, there would be the Memphis Cafe (a great bar), and across the way would be the live entertainment at the Gypsy Den (the larger and better one IMO). There would be tons of art galleries, live theater at Rude Guerilla (a small intimate theater company, who has in the past done some really provocative and unusual -in a good way- productions). I dunno, I was really stuck on the idea, but my mom was like, "Ah no! You cannot take her to some place like that! There are gang bangers! It is a bad neighborhood." Haha, she wanted us to go to somewhere safe, like Downtown Disney :P~~~~

the Lab

Kat and I were very meh with the idea of buying overpriced drinks/food at the Disney resort, so the middle of the road option was The Lab, a sort of anti-mall near south cost plaza. The place is cool enough, but not as HUGE as the hype would lead you to believe. Living in SF you either develop excellent gaydar or a spot on BS-hype-dar (or both), and I've only developed the second of the two. All the people who shop the stores have this holier-than-thou pretentious "OMG I'M LIKE SO INDIE" aura about them, I usually stick to the Santa Ana place I mentioned. Anyway, the Lab has its own Gypsy Den and Memphis Cafe (the originals, I think), but those weren't really where I was aiming for. In the back there is a restaurant named Zipangu -- one of my all time favorite places for sushi. They also happen to have one of my favorite bar/lounges. ^^;  (It is actually place where I had my big 21st birthday bash). Kat and I made a girls night of it, first ordering some chocolaty drinks called "Orgasms" (LOL we  toasted/"orgasmed" together ...at the same time XD). We went through about 6-7 drinks each, trying out different drinks named after zodiac signs and others with named like "Blushing Geisha" and "Sayonara Sunrise." We tended to like creamy drinks with amaretto and banana liqueur in them, like the "Dirty Banana." I ordered sashimi, Kat got this monster of a sushi roll. We did oyster shooters (a first for Kat) and I ordered these tiny succulent lamb chops. So basically, it was a little bite of this and nibble of that... and mostly drinking, hahaha. We talked and talked about all sorts of stuffs and it was just SO NICE to be around another girl w/o an SO or any guys... and just letting it all hang out.  We spent a good portion of our time laughing.

Zipangu Lounge

It is funny that we met through my ex, Kevin. I mean, he liked the both of us for the same reasons... we're outgoing, nerdy females who're more than a little bit cute. ^_~ Being introduced (over a dinner in one of the dorm dining halls) was like:

G: "Wait... you like --insert anime series name--?!"
K: "Yeah...I ....I kind of cosplay. ^^;;"
G: "OMG! That's so cool!"
K: "And I heard you liked fencing?"
G: "Yeah, well... I take some classes here at UCSD."
K: "Neat! I'm on their team."
G: *Gasp* "NO WAY!"
K: "Well I'm not the best or anything, but our school beats all the other UCs"
G: "I'm not very good at fencing, but I like to body surf around. Have you ever been to ..."
K: "We should totally go!"
G: "Oh and I know this great place we can get great fish tacos!"
And somewhere along we had totally left out/left Kevin behind somewhere hahaha! Kat will always be super cool... and I will always "know this great place..." XP

Zipangu

So anyway, I officially drank more and was significantly less buzzed than Kat. Well, I mean, she kind got drunk haha. Eating always kills my buzz, but I was having a lot of fun anyway. At one point she knocked her purse from the table... and kind of looked at it for a bit. She was looking at it and I could tell the wheels were turning but she hadn't moved to pick it up so I said, "Uh... your purse dropped." Haha and she slowly picked it up and looked at me, kind of leery-eyed and said, "I noticed. I saw that. *pause* You were kind of quick on that one. *another pause* You aren't drunk at all are you?" She kind of swayed as she asked me, it was cute and reeeally funny. Ah, the perks of higher tolerances. (She's going to kill me later if she reads this in facebook.) But its ok, b/c I made a butt of myself mistaking a fancy "latrine" to be an art gallery, "Oooh interesting, "The Latrine Gallery." With a name like that, I wonder what kind of art they put in--- oh, it just... it's just toilets." >.>

All and all we racked up a $150 bill on mostly booze a few bites of food. Being a bit decadent for a night was totally worth it.

Artery

We walked over to the Gypsy Den and since they were no longer making coffee at that hour (we'd been in the lounge from 8 till past midnight 0.o) we got a slice of chocolate cake and shared it while talking for long time on the patio. While yes, I was waiting for Kat to sober up, more than anything I think I stuck around so long b/c I wasn't ready for the fun to end. We walked over to the fire pit/art instillation (which i think awesome b/c its warm but totally ugly >.>) and talked some more. We even got invited by the cute barista boy from Gypsy Den to join him at another gay bar across the street.

We explored the deserted grounds a bit, walked over to Memphis (which was extremely loud) and even found an odd art gallery made of a tranport/storage unit. >.> Eventually we were both sober, warmed by the fire and sleepy enough to realize it was time to head on home. All and all, a very good night.

runner

I have often written about running in this journal. Today I went to the podiatrist and was told, quite definitely, that I am not to run anymore.

"Bike, swim, row. But no running," the doctor said as he walked out the door. It was if all the air was sucked out of me. Tears stung in my eyes but I couldn't cry. More than anything I wanted to slam my fist through something. Even in the smallest cases, I don't take being told what I am not to do very well.

I have loved running. When I am truly happy all I want to do is run. I love to sprint fast, drive fast, I dream to fly fast...someday. Distance has always been a goal. I was told I couldn't do it because of my asthma, and in high school and in my personal running goals I have proved all of "them" wrong. At my best I was the fastest sprinter on my varsity soccer team. Even in college, in 2006, I was able to work up to completing 10k in less than an hour. I can proudly say I have run a full 'tour de stade'.

But my greatest hardships with all of this has been the pain. My getting lazy with running has had everything to do with avoiding pain and the dull death aches that would come and keep me up for whole nights afterward. Despite this I would be angry with myself. I was a lazy ass who didn't push myself through the pain like other runners, so I didn't deserve the joy from running. I lost focus, grew fat and inactive and I've hated myself for it.

So this time around, I decided I was going to do things right. I went to a podiatrist. I didn't want to wiki my health care, I wanted the for sure facts of what was going on w/ my legs and feet... and to know what I should do to be able to run and to ideally come to be competitive with it for the rest of my life. My dream was to be my own team, to depend on and propel myself forward... and be one of those people who run 5ks/10ks and collect the medals of their physical goals achieved.

Instead the xrays came back showing my left foot is messed up so bad, I need to go back and get a cat scan. The black strip that showed up between the tarsals and tibia on my right foot xray, the black space that denoted cartilage, is all but missing in the left foot. There was talk about "cleaning all the remaining stuff out" and having the bones fuze together so I won't have any more pain. Oh and obviously, I'd loose mobility.

Running Shoes

Apparently he was confused by what he saw, and it looked as if I had broken my heal and just (I dunno) "walked if off" at some point. It sounds totally typical, given that I ran in two soccer games a week after fracturing my left fibula. No one knew it was fractured until a month after the incident, as my mother took me in for xrays when she saw I was still limping after all that time. I had been claiming pulled a muscle. :P

Anyway, I shouldn't be super surprised over what has transpired given that I never took pain seriously enough.  (my god... I am such an idiot.)

I got shoe inserts, which I expected, though they are generic-ish until I get my insurance situation covered (don't get me started, one missed signature after I signed everywhere I was told with all their stupid paperwork blah!!!) and go back. I got a list of stretches to do thrice daily due to extra tight calves (this I didn't guess -  I thought I stretched enough). I don't have flat feet as I thought, but I do overpronate ...like a lot.

I KNOW I should pick one of the other sports. Swimming I have always liked (though chlorine, not so much). But is so hard to let go... Suddenly it is hard to comprehend that there other options outside of running. Logically it makes sense... after even my recent short 1 milers w/ Nick my left ankle always felt like junk. There was this painful sensation like it was about to fall apart whenever I stepped on it after sitting and resting a bit post run. It almost felt... crunchy. >.>

I have been looking though running pictures on flickr to go with this post.... and all I've been thinking is, "But I still want to run a marathon someday." 

Kind of, er ... yes? Whenever I get irate at something Nick has said or done, I usually retort:

"I'll give you a ----."

It kind of changes depending on the situation. For example, if he were to say he didn't do something he was supposed to because "it was a pain in the ass [to do so] at that time," I would reply threateningly, "I'll give you a real pain in the ass!" *insert mean scary gabi face*

More examples:

Nick: But I was worried about it.
Gabi: I'll give you something to worry about!

Nick: But he has a really good excuse.
Gabi: I'm gunna give you a really good excuse!

Nick: I thought it was a good idea at the time.
Gabi: I'm going to give you a good idea.

Obviously I'm not threatening him with worries, excuses or ideas, but rather a swift kick to the ass. The more upset I get, the less sense these statements make. (And this is directly something I picked up from my mother. I've just come to accept that I too do some of the bullshit things she did.)

Nick: I didn't see the harm in it.
Gabi: Grahhh! I'm gunna give you NO HARM!

I mean, yeah what..? It annoys me to think of anyone reacting this way... and then I realize that this is something I do ...all the time. Uhggg, talk about annoyance and shame. :P It is such a stupid "catch phrase," to have, if you can even call it that.